FIRST TESTIMONY:
>> I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
>> and asked loudly,
>> 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
>> I turned around and walked back out and never went back
>> My husband didn't say a word..
>> he knew better..
>> SECOND TESTIMONY:
>> I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
>> I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>> After browsing for several minutes,
>> I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
>> He asked if he could help me.
>> Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'
>> THIRD TESTIMONY:
>> My sister and I were at the mall and
>> passed by a store that sold a
>> variety of candy and nuts.
>> As we were looking at the display case,
>> the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
>> I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
>> My sister started to laugh hysterically.
>> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>> To this day,
>> my sister has never let me forget.
>>
>>
>>
>> FOURTH TESTIMONY :
>> While in line at the bank one afternoon,
>> my toddler decided to release
>> some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>> I was finally able to grab hold of
>> her after receiving looks of disgust
>> and annoyance from other patrons.
>> I told her that if she did not start behaving
>> 'right now' she would be punished.
>> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
>> 'If you don't let me go right now,
>> I will tell Grandma that I saw you
>> kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
>> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
>> Even the tellers stopped what they were doing..
>> I mustered up the last of my dignity and
>> walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>> The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
>> FIFTH TESTIMONY:
>> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
>> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
>> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
>> It was very busy, with a full dining room.
>> While enjoying my taco,
>> I smelled something funny,
>> so of course I checked
>> my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
>> The realized that Danny
>> had not asked to go potty in a while.
>> I asked him if he needed to go,
>> and he said 'No' .
>> I kept thinking
>> 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
>> Then I said,
>> 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
>> 'No,' he replied.
>> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
>> Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
>> bent over, spread his cheeks
>> and yelled
>> 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
>> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
>> he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down..
>> An old couple made me feel better,
>> thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>> LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
>> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>> and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
>> in the future, likely think before she speaks.
>> What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
>> We had a female news anchor that,
>> the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
>> turned to the weatherman and asked:
>> 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
>> Not only did HE have to leave the set,
>> but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>> Now, didn't that feel good?
>> Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
>> and remember
>> we all say things we don't really mean,
>> so think before you speak!!!!!
>>
>>